8/7/09

El Consultorio de BCD

BCD no da abasto con su servicio a la comunidad, y ahora ya ha abierto su pequeño consultorio para las dudas que ustedes tengan. Hoy respondemos algunas dudas y las preguntas directas de nuestros oyentes. Para más consultas, están los comentarios.

21. ¿Ya encontraron cura contra la gripe?


Sí. Lo que no hay es Cura contra la pedofilia.

22. ¿Hay forma de hacer guita con la gripe?

Si no sos dueño de un laboratorio, como el 90% de los que leen este blog, podés estar atento y toser sobre los billetes que la gente saque por la calle y esperar que los tiren. Funciona, yo me compré los DVD de Sinfonía de un Sentimiento así.

23. Un amigo mío se lava los dientes con alcohol en gel, ¿está bien?

No, tu amigo no está bien. Y tampoco está bien que no digan cómo hacen para que el dentífrico salga con los tres colores parejitos de adentro del tubo.

23. bis. ¿Qué?

No sé, nunca te preguntaste cómo hacen para que salga el dentífrico de tres colores tan parejitos, ¿qué onda, primero hacen la mezcla y le construyen el envase alrededor?

24. ¿Pensás volver a escribir de política, o vas a seguir en la boludez?

La boludez me sienta mejor y, sobre todo, me sale más fácil. Y en política simpre pifio.

25. (Pregunta de G-Fer) Si uno sufre transtorno obsesivo compulsivo, debe lavarse las manos antes y después de lavárselas?

Si uno sufre de TOC debe lavarse las manos previamente a lavarse las manos para luego poder, efectivamente, lavarse las manos, volver a su cuarto esterilizado sin pisar ninguna raya de las baldosas, prender y apagar la luz en números impares, pasar una luz ultravioleta sobre las sábanas y evitar la zoofilia, en especial con los porcinos.

26. (Pregunta de Dos) ¿De Ángeli tiene más probabilidad de contagio por su precariedad dental?, ¿el Gobierno es responsable?

No, a mi me falta un pedazo de diente y no escupo para arriba. Además escupir para arriba con fallas dentales es un espectáculo desagradable. Y sí, el Gobierno es responsable.

27. (Preguntas de Diego F.) ¿La A de la gripe es por el Apocalipsis que venía prediciendo Carrió mientras todos nos reiamos de ella?, ¿es cierto que el virus mutó en gripe doble porcina después de pasar por el organismo de Larreta?, ¿estornudar intencionalmente al lado de los que usan barbijos estampados es moralmente cuestionable?, ¿es conveniente que los medios masivos pongan un recuadrito contando día a día los miles de muertos anuales por gripe común?, ¿por qué el tamiflú de Rumsfeld es el único remedio efectivo contra la gripe, no hay genéricos?

Respondamos a todas estas preguntas con un pasaje del Contrato Moral de Elisa Carrió: "Oí una gran voz que decía: id y derramad sobre la tierra las siete copas de la ira de Dios. Fue el primero y derramó su copa sobre la tierra; mas, era de noche, y cayóse la copa sobre los porcinos, enfermándoles. Actuóse Dios en consecuencia y díjose: compartirás vuestra gripe con los seres humanos. Una profeta llamada Elisa predijo el apocalipsis y sus súbditos rebeldes meáronse de risa de sus profecías, y dispuso Dios, ofuscado: contagiarán al Anticristo Rodríguez Larreta y potenciarán el virus cien, doscientas, trescientas veces, y no habrá barbijo que frene la peste, y los incautos estornudarán entre ellos por el solo hecho de mofarse. Y viendo que todavía la gente no se moría en masa, díjole dios a la Profeta: "pandirás el cúnico", y posteriormente rió con su chiste robado al Chapulín Colorado y díjole: "nah, una joda: cundirás el pánico", y atracó la Profeta en los canales de televisión y comenzaron a contar los muertos por la gripe al lado del clima. Y la Profeta miró seria al costado de la cámara, guiñóle un ojo a Luis Majul y arrojó la siguiente sentencia: "no tendría problemas en defender a los grandes laboratorios de Rumsfeld si es en defensa de la república". ¿Clarito, no?

27. ¿Los viejos deberían preocuparse por la Gripe A?

No, los viejos deberían preocuparse por el Anses que les está robando la jubilación.

28. (Pregunta de Roxan) Dr ud que es un re groso (Nota del Dr: las preguntas son mejor respondidas si vienen precedidas por elogios desmedidos), ¿me podrá contestar si es cierto que hay que lavarse las manos durante 20 min que seria un equivalente de 2 veces la marcha peronista?

En primer lugar, sí, hay que lavarse mucho las manos, el problema es que hace frío y se congelan los deditos, por eso inventaron el alcohol en gel. Pero además, esta es una buena pregunta para desarrollar mi idea de que hay que peronizar los sistemas de medición, por ejemplo, del tiempo. Ponele, te llama tu amigo y le contestás: "y, en dos marchitas estoy llegando"; o "viejo, para la tercera estrofa está el guiso"; o sino, "Aerolíneas Argentinas informa a sus pasajeros que el tiempo estimado de vuelo Buenos Aires-Nueva York es de 14406 marchitas peronistas" (NdelDr:tardé veinte minutos en escribir este post y un día y medio en hacer la cuenta de cuántas marchitas peronistas entraban en un vuelo BsAs-NY).

29. ¿Por qué en Estados Unidos no hay tanto quilombo?

Porque hace un par de años Michael Moore hizo una película sobre el sistema de salud y todo mejoró sustancialmente. Mientras tanto nuestro Michael Moore se iba al Maipo y fundía un diario en menos de un año.

30. ¿Qué ocurriría si Cristina se contagia de Gripe A?

Primero, asumiría Julio Cobos. Luego, las señoras de Recoleta saldrían a escribir "Viva el chancho" en las paredes.

30. bis. ¿No te da miedo?

Sí, muchito. Che esterilícenle a Cristina un cuarto, barbijos, damajuanas de alcohol en gel, ¡che!, ¡Cobos!, ¡che!!!!!!

27 comentarios:

Tomás Münzer dijo...

Acá se hace pri???

"no tendría problemas en defender a los grandes laboratorios de Rumsfeld si es en defensa de la república". Sublime, excelente.

Diego F. dijo...

Bueno, como no encuentro la foto del dentífrico desarmado, te paso el esquemita para que veas cómo funciona. Están en todas estos muchachos eh.

Anónimo dijo...

Aguantará JCC una semana (tiempo que dura la gripe) como presidente o renuncia antes?
Porque es una idea interesante. Decir que Cris tiene Gripe A, recluirla una semana, asume Cobos, renuncia, queda que se yo... Pichetto como vice y ahí curamos a la Cris.
Y ahí, viendo lo que es Cobos y ante la alternativa de Picheto capaz que se acaban los ánimos destituyentes.
Atte,

Ignatius

Fede M dijo...

Apruebo la moción... ¿Te imaginás? Le damos una semana, o dos al Mendorcino...
Eso sí, le ponemos a todos los ministros a disposición para acompañar las firmas, cosa que no pueda evitar cagada.
¿Qué les parece?

G-Fer dijo...

Disculpe que insista con las preguntas, pero si la producirá la gripe porcina y es anunciada por Elisa Carrió, no deberíamos llamarlo el Aporcalipsis?

Anónimo dijo...

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